apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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