i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
