No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
