if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
