Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Randomize