I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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