Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
