We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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