you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
