The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
