Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
