at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
