My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
