dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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