ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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