there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
