My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
