My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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