this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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