Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
