just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
