why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
