hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
