did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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