Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
