Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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