its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
