I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
