put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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