ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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