I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
