If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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