wrigley field is MILF paradise
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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