She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Is it because I queefed?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
