You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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