I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
