with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
this will be a night to untag.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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