Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
