Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
