People with herpes should wear stickers.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
