Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
