So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
