Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I FOUND THE LEGS
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
