I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
