I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
