The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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