guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize