Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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