Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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