One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
