I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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