hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I stole a fireplace last night.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Randomize
