why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
