but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
