Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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