no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
