i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I deserve this hangover.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
