Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
