It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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