A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize