Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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