so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Someone came in the potted fern
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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