it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
