you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Randomize
