Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
