hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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