Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
