Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize