Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
