Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
