Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
