Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
