I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
