I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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