Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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