i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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