My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize