and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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