you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
