There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
