When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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