my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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