is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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