Sponge bath it is.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
