we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
