omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
