sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
