i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
