literally had 100 drinks last night.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
