If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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