This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
