so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
