it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
