I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
