i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
