I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
