i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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