Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
