so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
