Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
