69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
