I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
