dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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