you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
