my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
