i don't plan on having that self control this summer
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize