Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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