Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
